Tim O'Brien ain't lyin'

It's all very exciting. Lately, I've had a lot to look forward to.

I was told about eight years ago that I have a lazy eye. No, it doesn't fall off to the side of my face like a melting stick of butter, when i'm trying to make eye contact. It's not a "one eye looking AT you, while the other one's looking FOR you" kinda situation. No, it's simply a little lagging, like a fat kid on a field trip to the chocolate factory. So, my left eye has a hard time refocusing, when i've been looking far away, it takes it a while to be able to see whats in front of me clearly.

Ah! A metaphor this is indeed. It's seems that I've found myself in a situation where, everything about 18 weeks from now seems a lot clearer than today does. I've got a lot to do before I can make the dream of moving to Austin with Andrew come true. Money to save, purging and packing, finding a new apartment, making sure I do enough of the things I may regret not doing, get into that american flag bikini, etc. But, I seem to be forgetting that that's not the only list of things to do.

I was that kid that would rather use a new sheet of paper than have an eraser mark. It's not that I have a lot of erasing to do, or "fixing", nothing like that. I'm just so excited about the new chapter of my life and getting to reinvent myself. I'm excited to start a new journey with Andrew. I want it all to be brand new for me on the other side. But, there's something about wanting a big change to happen before I can make all the little changes. I see myself observing my behaviors and tendencies and thinking "When we move I'm not going to do that anymore' or "I'm gonna be more like this..." Reinvention is not something we are given the opportunity to do very often and I plan to use it to it's fullest extent. However, like that brand new pack of crayons on the first day of school, once they're used they are no longer new. That, new sheet of paper is just as tainted as the one in the waste basket, and the chances that the first marks I make on the next sheet are gonna be perfect the next time around, arn't very good either.

I realize that in 18 weeks there will be people that are very much a part of my everyday life that I will probably never see or hear from again. Then there are the people that will unexpectedly stay a part of me forever. I have no idea what it is I will carry with me. But, as I am beginning to pack for this "life's journey (dirka dirka)" I am beginning to think about what I don't have room for. I won't carry Boom Noodle, I won't carry Capitol Hill. I won't carry Cornish, or the betrayal of my undergrad. I won't carry a box for past lovers or hostility for girls I don't like. I won't carry unpaid parking tickets.

Current Yelp Rating for Boom noodle: Three

Days on a Raw Food Cleanse: Two

Number of netbooks purchased this last weekend: One

Phone calls expected from Ing today: One

Wringing out the old year.

So, I've done a pretty crap job of keeping up on this blog for, well, since before Thanksgiving. I blame the holidays. Though, I did set out a challenge for Maria and I to blog everyday from before Thanksgiving till Christmas. Clearly, clearly, I got distracted. I would like to blame the lack of food pictures to Andrew's never ending tooth issues. Hopefully the last of his root canal will be finished on Monday.But, I've cooked since then and taken pictures. I showed some art in December as well. I coulda wrote about that. No folks, I'm just plum bad at this. Is it plumb or plum?

I went to Chicago. I gained three pounds in seven days. I'm pretty sure I've gained a little more than that all together since the "holiday season" began. However, Andrew and I did get gym memberships. Double however, we have not gone lately, as in pretty much since Kenyon, our stoked on life 24-hour fitness representative, signed us up. It's been because of the root canal I swear. Everything will change after Dr. Larsen guts the rest of Andrew's back molar.

True Love

True love is finishing a meal at the Outback steakhouse and your partner saying, "Good sesh!, while high five-ing you with his eyes."

Andrew and I went to the Outback last night. While waiting ten minutes too long for our whole grain aussie loaf, I noticed a pile of these coasters on our table. I wish I could say that I wasn't surprised(cause I love me the Victoria's center cut) but I was. That's right, Ruth's Chris, Metropolitan Grill, f-ing Bobby Flay eat your heart out, The Outback steak house won the vote for Best Steak. Is it the best steak? I'm not so sure. But, America is.
The lesson here? As a twenty four year old, aspiring artist and artisan meat-maker who knows little about what she's getting herself into, it is very comforting to know that someone else out there appreciates the approach places like The Outback have. See, the outback isn't trying to make you buy into it's thing. As a matter of fact, it's "thing" is so ridiculous that aside from a couple of frat bros that may leave the water hole with Australian accents, eating at the Outback, isn't an experience defined by pretense at all. You go there to eat a meal that makes you feel like you're kinda treating yourself to something. No one is going to judge you for asking for more bread. The butter knife is the steak knife. The bottom line is that it's sincere. Andrew ordered the "Alice Spring's Chicken." the plate looked a little like this picture I've drawn. Notice anything? No garnish, no superfluous sauce drippings. Just a mediocre chicken breast wrapped in bacon and cheese and a countable amount of fries. Usually, I don't like things like chips and fries to come in quantities that seem countable. In this case there were about sixteen fries, which turned out to be more than Andrew even needed.
The bottom line. America wants sincerity. They don't want to feel left out of anything or like they might not really get it. I want to remember this, I want to be reminded of it always. As someone who is making their life about creating things that call for taste and context, I always want to be sure to give a nod to the masses and know that in a world of specialty everything, sometimes it's the seemingly forgettable ordinary experience that resonates with comfort and likability. And when it comes to who they all will be routing for, never forget about the down-under dog.

D'Fine

Day three of starting any new regimen is probably the most difficult for me. Day one is exciting and fresh. I've got all the gusto in the world and usually the necessary supplies are brand new (i.e. sports bra, sketchbook, low fat groceries, and hopefully some sort of office supply or recreational gadget.) Day two I've realized it's not as hard as I thought and I think, "okay, I can do this cause I did it the day before and it wasn't so hard and I got to use all these great new things and this is the new me. Day three I feel like since I'm so well established in my regimen I can take my first day off. "Since this is such a part of me now, it's going to continue being a part of me whether or not I do it today." Three dinners out, seven wasted facebook hours, a bag of Funyuns, and two forgotten birthdays later I realize that I havn't "changed" at all and that all the things that I thought would change with my new regimen have now become goals for next year or next summer or next week and so here it is.. day three... blog.

Today:

Times I inappropriately cursed at work: at least two

Baths taken: two

Instances where I talked about Tyra Banks in reference to my weight while chatting with Ingrid: two

Number of profile views for my blog: 290

Meat making

The last month has been pretty rewarding in the meat department. Here are a few of my meats: First we have truffle and pistachio sausage that Andrew and I made at Matt and Janna's house. Heading over there on Sundays and playing with meat is the new cool thing to do! This tradition now dates back to last New Year's Day when I broke into my very first, self-made, artisan meat...the pancetta.
Next, is pork belly that I brown sugar crusted and slow roasted for hours. I picked up this well trimmed belly from The Swinery out in West Seattle. Andrew used the belly as lunch meat for the week. Lucky guy, he knows.
Last, is a beef wellington that I made with pate, wrapped with prosciutto and finished with Pillsbury flaky biscuits, a little nod our military brat childhoods.

Breakfast and $403 dollars

Every time I begin a journal I always leave the first page blank. I do this because I have some sort of hangup that the first entry is never going to do it's job and quite possibly I may need to edit the beginning of the journal . I suppose there's something wrong with the idea that I'm planning to edit a journal before I've even begun it. I'm one of those people.
I will find a journal from years ago and decide that I did or did not like "where I was going with it." Hoping that I can somehow "fix it" I rip pages out, add a new entry or two, and ultimately I will shelve it and replace it. I do this knowing the new journal will also someday only document a week and a half of my life, generally the ending or beginning of a relationship, career path, or viewing of a coming of age film and then will be thoughtlessly used as a scrap notepad for doodles and details that I have scribbled down while on the "financial care" line with my cell phone carrier.
So, even though right now I want to start all over again and it makes me cringe to think of the previous entries on this blog and how much I do not want them to mark the beginning of my written life, I'm going to let it be. However, I do this because I know that it will be good motivation for me to write more because as my entries stack up, the past will be neatly archived and filed away under months so distant that no random googler will judge me by those first few entries.
It's Tuesday, which is my Monday. I had an early morning appointment (8:20 am) that got canceled. Now, I am sitting here with my hair only half straightened trying to ensure my life's path by sharing it with the blog nation.
See, I've had this jar in my apartment since two Septembers ago. It's a milk bottle from Glen Creamery. I use it to save money. Since my boyfriend, Andrew, has more than basically moved in, we have used it to save money. We are saving to move to Austin, Texas. This weekend over breakfast we counted it for the first time. $403. We a had a couple dollars more in quarters but, we used them for laundry.
Yes, those are Pillsbury Crescent Rolls.

This weekend:

Episodes of Battle Star Gallactica watched: about ten

Caloric intake for Andrew and Nicole: about one million each

Texts exchanged between Ingrid and myself: six

Dollars counted: $403

365 Days of Becoming a Butcher: Day One

Push-ups attempted: One

Push-ups accomplished: None

Really awesome doors opened: One